used car dealership jokes

Funny used car dealership jokes


Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


A man walked into a tavern and sat next to a very attractive, smartly

dressed woman perched on a bar stool.

"Hi there, Good Looking. How's it going?" he asked.

The woman looked him straight in the eye and said, "Listen, I'll screw

anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've

been doing it ever since I got out of school, and I just love it!"

"No kidding?," said the man, "I'm a salesman too! What dealership are you with?"


Top 10 Indications You Have the Wrong Used Car Salesman

10. When you complain that a car has too many miles, he asks you how many miles you'd like to see on it.

9. Has dog named "Pacer."

8. When you crank the car and fluid rocket over your left shoulder, he notes, "Oh, that's a standard feature on all of these newer models.

7. Uses the 'Slim Jim' strapped to his belt to open the cars for your inspection.

6. When you ask him where the restroom is, he says, "Tell 'ya what I'm gonna do ...."

5. Lunges behind a fern every time you mention "Mike Wallace."

4. His bumper sticker reads, "Honk If You've Ever Reamed A Guy For Eight C-notes On A '72 Dodge Dart."

3. Casts no shadow even in direct sunlight.

2. Ever uses the words "excellent" and "Hyundai" in the same sentence.

1. Tries to convince you that this car will get better mileage because it is heavier, and you will be able to "coast a lot." 


A used car salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.

As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."


I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership. A salesman came out and said "come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!" Later I discovered he was talking about the payments.


Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my ass!"

Too late - he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem ... If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my car!"



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