turtle jokes

Funny turtle jokes


A man and his pet turtle walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.

Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my turtle." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the turtle falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.

The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a turtle."


A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a turtle sitting next to him.

"Are you a turtle?" asked the man, surprised.


"What are you doing at the movies?"

The turtle replied, "Well, I liked the book."


What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!


Over and over again, a little baby turtle jumps out of a tall tree and fall to the ground, flailing his limbs around. Two birds were watching and the female bird says to the male bird...

"Honey, I think it's time to tell our baby he's adopted."


What can never get on it's feet, once it's on it's back, and cannot be harmed once it's on it's feet?

Answer: A Turtle


If a turtle doesn't have a shell is it homeless or just naked?


What do turtles use to communicate?




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