Tennis jokes

Tennis jokes

ou know you watch too much tennis when you walk in late to class, and you ask the teacher to check shot spot to see if your foot was in the classroom when the bell rang.

You know you play too much tennis when you have an outfit for every racquet you own.

You know you play too much tennis when you hold your pencil with an eastern grip.

You know you watch too much tennis when you have the brand of your racquet stamped on everything you own.

You know you play too much tennis when you yell "C'mon" every time you ever succeed in the smallest task.

You know you play too much tennis when you have to hide all the racquets and balls from your wife or girlfriend.

You know you play too much tennis when you take out your anger on your wife or girlfriend, siblings, sons/daughters, grandparents, grandsons, nephews, cousins, niece, and anyone related to you that I forgot.

You know you play too much tennis when you talk to yourself aloud during a test to pump you up.

You know you watch too much tennis when you have the calendar marked for all the tournaments for the next 5 years.

You know you watch too much tennis when you think about what every sport would be like with a racquet.


You know you watch too much tennis when you can impersonate every player.

You know you watch too much tennis when you can name top 100 players but can't remember your kids names.

You know you watch too much tennis when you keep track of every statistic of every player, and their ranking and ranking points but can't ace Statistics in school.

You know you watch too much tennis when you name your kids after pros.

You know you play too much tennis when you overhead smash your kid brother.

You know you play too much tennis when you call the line judge whenever there is an argument.

You know you play too much tennis when instead of fighting someone who stole your girlfriend; you challenge him to a pro-set match.

You know you play too much tennis when you are sitting on the court right now with a laptop reading this.

You know you watch too much tennis when you are taking an exam, and you are drawing out the draws to the next tournament.

You know you watch too much tennis when you already know how many tournaments every player needs to win to obtain certain ranking

You know you play too much tennis when there are holes in your house because of you hitting balls in the house.

You know you play too much tennis when you shuffle and side step when moving from place to place.

You know you play too much tennis when you practice your swing with an imaginary racquet at least 5 times an hour.

You know you play too much tennis when you hold your racquet when you sleep.

You know you play too much tennis when you show random people on the streets all the grips.

Q. Why you should never fall in love with a tennis player?

 

A. To them ‘Love’ means nothing.

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Q. Why are fish never good tennis players?

 

A. They don’t like getting close to the net.

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Q. Why is tennis a noisy game?

 

A. Because each player raises a racket.

Q: What did the one cat say to another at a tennis match?

A: “My mother’s in that racket.”

 

Q: Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
A: To them, “love” means nothing.

 

Q: How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: “What do you mean the bulb was out?  It wasn’t out, it was in!” 

Q: What’s the definition of endless love?

A: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis

 

Q: Why is tennis such a noisy game?

A: Because each player raises a racket.

 

 

2 players walk into a bar...

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Rafa, Rafa and...Oh wait..Rafa!!

A badminton player, a squash player and a tennis player decided to stay at a country inn, but when they arrived there, the innkeeper told them he only had 2 beds free, one of them would have to sleep in the barn.

"That's OK", said the badminton payer, "I'll sleep in the barn." So off he went.

A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see the badminton palyer who explained that he was unable to sleep in the barn as there was a pig in there, and he could not sleep with a pig.

"That's OK," said the squash player., "I'll sleep there."

So off he went. A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see the squash player there, who explained that he was unable to sleep in the barn as there was a cow in there, and he could not sleep with a cow.

"That's OK," said the tennis player, "I'll sleep there." So off he went. A few moments later there was a knock at the inn door. The innkeeper opened the door to see a cow and a pig stood there......

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Q: What do you see when you look into a tennis player's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
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A badminton player runs into the toilet absolutely desperate to relieve himself, he runs up to the urinal and after some fumbling pulls out a very impressive 12" penis and begins urinating, in relief he cries out, "Just made it"!

A tennis player who was standing at the next urinal turns to him and says "Really? can you make me one too?"!!!
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Two badminton players were standing at a bar, one said to the other : "You know, tennis players are such arseholes!" A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said : "I find that statement offensive!"

One of the baminton players replied : "Oh, you must be a tennis player."

"No" the man said : "I'm an arsehole!"
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Q: What do you call a tennis player with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant
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A badminton player and a tennis player get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.After they crawl out of their cars, the badminton player spots the other's tennis gear and says, "So you're a tennis player, that's interesting. I'm a badminton player... Gosh! Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." 

The tennis player replied: "I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The badminton player continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the tennis player. The tennis layer nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big gulps from the bottle, then hands it back to the badminton player.

The badminton player takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the tennis player. The tennis player asks, "Aren't you having any?" 

The badminton player replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police to turn up..."

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There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked
if someone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up
and said that he could tell a tennis player joke. Suddenly a bloke in the back
of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm a tennis player."
The guide looked at him and said,
"That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."

 

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