Star wars jokes
Star wars jokes
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight?
A: A Sithy.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do Whipids say when they kiss?
Q: Why does Leia wear buns on her head?
A: In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting.
Q: Why did the Stormtrooper start jumping up and down?
A: He stepped on Ant-hillies.
Q: What do Star Destroyers wear to parties?
A: A bow TIE.
Q: Why did the crazy Angrallian Toobir cross the nebula?
A: To get to the other dementia.
Q: Why did the smuggler cross the spacelanes?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: What's the differance between an ATAT and a stormtrooper?
A: One's an Imperial walker and the other is a walking Imperial.
Q: How many Sith does it take to screw in a hyperdrive?
A: Two, but I don't know how they got in it.
Q: How many stormtroopers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Two; one to screw the bulb in, the other to shoot him and take the credit.
Q: What goes, "Ha, ha, ha, haaaa.... AGGGHHHH! Thump"?
A: An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.
Q: Why did Yoda cross the road?
A: Because the chickens Forced him to.
Q: What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
A: The outside.
Q: Who tries to be a Jedi?
Q: Why did the Ewok fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.
Q: Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?
A: The ship might crack up.
Q: What happens when a red and white X-Wing crashes into green water?
A: It gets wet.
Q: Why do Twi'leks like to flip coins?
A: So that they can say, "Heads or tails!"
Q: As a Disney character what song would Vader sing?
A: "When You Wish Upon A Death Star".
Q: What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
A: Time to get a new chronometer.
Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he's always making new friends.
Q: What do Jawa's have that no other creature in the galaxy has?
A: Baby Jawas.
Q: What do you call a person who brings a rancor its dinner?
A: The appetizer.
Q: Why do vornksrs stop slowly?
A: They're afraid of whiplash.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?
A: Because a Jedi must have patience.
Q: What's the name of the worst cantina on Coruscant?
A: The Ackbar.
Q: How would a fat Rogue get into his X-wing?
A: He'd Wedge himself in.
Q: What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?
Q: How many Corellians does it take to change a glowpanel?
A: None, if the room's dark, then you can't see them cheat at sabacc.
Q: What do Gungans put things in?
A: Jar Jars.
Q: Why didn't Luke Skywalker cross the road?
A: Because he got a ticket for Skywalking.
Q: What does Yoda say to encourage a Padawan before a test?
A: Do well, you will do!
Why is Darth Maul still single?
Because he never found his other half.
Why was the Princess avoiding Chewbacca?
Because she was afraid he might Leia kiss on her.
Why did Anakin need a loan from Palpatine?
Because his duel with Obi-Wan cost him an arm and a leg.
Why did Darth Vader take a bow?
Because Luke Skywalker gave him a hand.
Why did Han ask Chewie to co-pilot the Millennium Falcon?
Because he didn't like flying Solo.
Where did Darth Maul get his facial markings?
At a Tatooine parlor.
Why do Jedi like roller coasters?
Because g-force is with them.
Why was there an explosion of blue light after Palpatine fell down the generator shaft?
Because the sith hit the fan.
What do you call a Gungan's curse?
A Binks Jinx.
Which wookie was on the fast-track to mouth cancer? Chewbacco.
Why was the feisty droid unstoppable? Because he was hard-to-de-tour (R2D2).
Why was Captain Calrissian so stupid? Because he was from Clod City.
How did Yoda deal with difficult, whining customers when he worked at a gourmet coffee shop? He said "boo or boo not; there is no chai!"
Are the inhabits of the Third Moon of Endor now cooking Japanese food online? Yes, they're using their e-woks!
Which fishlike commander was disgusted whenever he entered a tavern? Admiral 'Ack, bar!'
Can you beat a Gungan at a staring contest? Yes, because Jar Jar blinks!
Which Imperial commander was afraid of swimming? Darth Wader.
Shop for Star Wars paraphernalia at the Darth Mall.
What did people say when the Jedi master was victorious at the video game jujitsu tournamment? 'Obi Won Shinobi!'
On Hoth did the Chinese restaurants serve tonton soup?
The IRS cracked down on the Jedi master because he Yoda lotta money.
The redneck bounty hunter was known as Bubba Fett.
Why could the rebel space fleet not fly? They were all ex-wings.
What do Jewish Star Wars fans play with? Droidles.
The foul black excretia of the Imperial presence was embodied in the Death's Tar.
Was 3CPO an early example of a personal robot whore? Yes he was a proto call-droid!
Yoda never let Luke speak during his training - he had to master the jedi mime tricks.
Why didn't they storm the empire's base from the shadows? Because Yoda warned them about the dark side of the forts!
Which of Jabba's henchmen made millions selling licorice? Nib Fortuna.
The windshield of the Millenium Falcon was so small - they could barely achieve wiper-space!
Why did Mark Hamill's career fizzle? Because he was taken out by the star-destroyer.
Liam Neeson was not known for his big rear end; in fact on set they called him the Phantom Man-Ass.
How did the grey-haired jedi-nemesis threaten his victims? "I'll Count Dooku, then I'll shoot."
The queen's handmaiden was self-conscious about her bosom - they jokingly referred to her as Padme.
The Gungan leader was into chasing tail and listening to Springsteen - they called him Boss 'n' Ass.
Which rebel pilot loved Tex-Mex potato skins? Wedge-and-chilies!
Which father of a bounty hunter was partial to tropical fruit parties? Mango Fete!
Which Jedi leader cleaned his corn with ammonia spray? Maize Windex!
Which Imperial general made out in the back seat? Gran Moff Parkin.
Hayden Christensen can't act. They should have renamed his character Mannequin Skywalker!
Despite having drunk wine, the rebel pilots were cleared to fly. After all, they had just one Red Litre.
Which Naboo captain defecated in a pan? Captain Pankaka!
These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
tK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot pants more heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong.
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.
Top 10 things we'd all like to have seem Samuel L Jackson say in Star Wars -
10. You don't need to see my goddamn identification, 'cause these ain't the motherfuckin' droids you're looking for.
9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'll never know, 'cause even if it did I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.
8. This is your father's lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin' stormtrooper in the room... accept no substitutes.
7. If Obi-wan ain't home then I don't know what the fuck we're gonna do. I ain't got no other connections on Tattooine.
6. Feel the Force, motherfucker.
5. What ain't no planet I've ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?
4. You sendin' the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that's all you had to say!
3. Yeah Chewie Rocky Horror's got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He's a wookie.
2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch? 1. Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says, "Bad Mother Fucker."
TOP TEN SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE LINES IN THE STAR WARS TRILOGY
10."Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care how it smells!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
10."I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
7. "But now we must eat. Come, good food, come..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
1. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
RETURN OF THE JEDI
10."Hey, point that thing someplace else."
9. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
8. "I never knew I had it in me."
7. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
6. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping-hold on. Grab it, almost... you almost got it... Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me Chewie."
5. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me-now I owe you one."
4. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
3. "She's gonna blow!"
2. "I think you'll fit in nicely."
1. "Rise, my friend."