Funny lettuce jokes
Q: What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!
Q: What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing?
A: Lettuce all smile.
One day two heads of lettuce, who were best friends, were walking together down the street.
They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured head of lettuce called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
The injured head of lettuce was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
He told the uninjured head of lettuce, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a head of lettuce in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Quit stalking me.
Who's there? Lettuce
Lettuce in and you'll find out.