fortune teller jokes

At the fairground, Bert thought it might be a good laugh if he visited the Gypsy fortune teller, so he went inside the tent, and she read his palm.

"Ah…." said the woman, as she gazed into his palm. "I see you are the father of two children."

"Ha, you fortune tellers are all a sham!" said Bert scornfully, I'm the father of Three children!"

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think…."


The Golfer asks the Gypsy, "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

She replies, "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

Golfer, "What's the good news?"

Gypsy: "The good news is that Heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!"

Golfer, "How could there be any bad news with that?"

Gypsy, "You have a game booked to start at 8:30 tomorrow morning."


Fortune teller One: "Lovely weather we're having."

Fortune teller Two: "Yes, it reminds me of the summer of 2036."


Why did the witch give up fortune telling?

There was no future in it.


A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.

The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

The frog asks for the good news first.

The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet a pretty girl who is going to want to know all about you.”

“Great,” says the frog. “What’s the bad news?

“The bad news is you’re going to meet her in biology class.” replies the fortune teller.

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