angel jokes

Funny jokes about angels

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”

 

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

 

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.”

 

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came cornering around the corner, barely missing him.

 

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

 

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

 

“Oh yeah?” the man asked….

 

“And where the hell were you when I got married?”

3 girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."

"Which is...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl. "Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime". "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."

Once a mother was going home to her kids from her job.

She got there only to find a bunch of ambulances and cops at her door.

"Whats going on??!" She asks her ten year old daughter.

"Mom your a liar" She answers

"What?" The mom asks startled

"I said your a liar" She says again

"Stop that and tell me what happened!"

"YOUR A LIAR!!" the little girl says again

"WHY!" the mom yells

"Because you said that my little brother was an angel and so i threw him out the window and he didnt fly!"

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.

What did one angel say to the other angel?

Halo there!

 

 

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