NFL jokes

funny nfl
NFL jokes

NFL, Grid Iron, American Football. Call it what you want, but I'm calling it American Football in this site, so here are a bunch of funny jokes for America's favorite game!
 
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Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
 
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Q: Why is the Oakland football team like a possum?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
 
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Q: What do Billy Graham and the Buffalo football team have in common? A: They can both make a stadium of 50,000 people say "Oh, Jesus."
 
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A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating his new recruits. "Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that run round the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run straight into the trees, I turn into linemen."
 
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Q: What's the difference between the Green bay Packers and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belongs in a bowl.
 
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Q: What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
A: Four blokes watching a football game.
 
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The Definition of an optimist: A Buffalo Bills fan waiting at Buffalo Niagara International Airport for the Bills to return from winning the Super Bowl.
 
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Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. -- George Will.
 
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The L.A. Rams have a new line of cologne. It's a little different though; you wear it and the other guy scores.
 
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Q: Why does John Elway eat his cereal from a plate?
A: Because he's lost all three of his bowls.
 
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After spending all day watching football, Jimmy fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. "Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to 7" He awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"
 
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Know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could'nt be used?
No matter where you sat, you were behind a Pole!
 
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Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night
A: Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
 
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What do you get when you cross a defensive lineman with a prostitute? A quarter-ton pickup.
 
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Why can't John Elway use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
 
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Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern
A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?
 
Q: What do the Cleveland Browns and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What’s the difference between the Cincinatti Bengals & a dollar bill?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Oakland Raider fans and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.
 
1. In a school just outside Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher Explained to her class that she is a Steelers Fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they are Steelers fans too. Not really knowing what a Steelers fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all fly into the air with one exception. A little boy named Timmy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I am not a Steelers fan." says Timmy. The teacher asks "Then what are you?" Timmy says "I am a proud Cleveland Browns fan!" The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Timmy why he is a Browns fan. "Well, my Mom and Dad are Browns fans so I'm a Browns fan, too." Timmy responds. The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steelers fan."
 
2. Four NFL Football fans want to find out who is the most loyal to their team, a Chicago Bears fan, a Green Bay Packers fan, a Cleveland Browns fan and a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. They climb to the top of a high mountain. The Bears fan, wanting to prove he is most loyal, yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Chicago Bears!", and jumps off the mountain. The Packers fan, not wanting to be outdone by his rival, also yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Green Bay Packers!", and jumps off the mountain. Now the Browns fan, knowing in his mind that he is the most loyal, yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Cleveland Browns!", and pushes the Steelers fan off the mountain.
Football wedding..
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?"
Switch sides..
Bloke comes home from the bar drunk at 4am in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he tries to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and lets rip a fart. His wife wakes up and asks,
Michael Irvin..
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?
Kansas city..
Q: Why is the pitch at Kansas City so Green?
Cowboys..
Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
Funny Q & A..
Q: What does the average Jacksonville player get on his SATs?
Notre Dame joke..
.. A fellow walks into a restaurant, orders a drink, and asks the waiter if he'd like to hear a good Notre Dame joke.
What is your IQ?
... Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
Notre Dame Chaplain..
... Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an un-sportsman-like manner
How to tell if your spouse is an armchair football addict..
Persistently, in numerous obscure languages, four T.V.s simultaneously blast out games from around the world.
When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.
 
AFC West:
 
Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
 
Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs
 
Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders
 
San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers
 
Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks
 
AFC Central:
 
Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels
 
Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns
 
Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers
 
Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers
 
AFC East:
 
Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils
 
Buffalo Spills
 
Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
 
Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins
 
Miami Soft Ones
 
New England Patriots - New England Patsys
 
New York Jets - New York Pets
 
New York Not Yets
 
NFC West:
 
Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons
 
New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's
 
Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs
 
San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners
 
NFC Central:
 
Chicago Bears - Chicago Fairs
 
Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryin's
 
Detroit Kittens
 
Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers
 
Green Bay Slackers
 
Green Bay Whackers
 
Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota Tykes
 
Minnesota ViQueens
 
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Yuccaneers
 
NFC East:
 
Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Tardynals
 
Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls
 
Dallas Cowpie
 
New York Giants - New York Midgets
 
Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles
 
Washington Redskins - Washington Deadskins
 
Expansion Teams:
 
Carolina Panthers - Carolina Can't-thers
 
Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Saguars
1. Why did James Harrison fail his English test? His answer to 'What comes after a sentence?' was 'An appeal.'
 
2. How is the NFL similar to jail?
You come in a tight-end and leave a wide-receiver.
 
3. And with the first pick in the 2007 NFL draft the Oakland Raiders select Jamarcus Russel, QB out Louisiana State.
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl in Arlington, Texas?
A: The Dallas Cowboys!
 
Q: What’s the difference between the Green bay Packers and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belongs in a bowl.
 
Superbowl Commitment…
… A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.
He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, “No.”
Amazed the young man asked, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”
 
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers “241.”
“That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!,” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers, “51.”
Albert responds, “How ’bout them Packers?”
 
The Cheesehead teacher and Little Johnny
 
“A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too.
No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A boy named Little Johnny who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.
“Because I’m not a Cheesehead.”
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