NASCAR jokes

Funny jokes about NASCAR

 

Q: How can you tell when a nascar fan is watching a Formula One race?

A: When he taps you on the shoulder and asks "Are we watching qualifying?"

 

Q: Where Can You Find Thousands Of Redneck Jokes?

A: at Any NASCAR Event

 

After a long life, NASCAR racing legend Dale Earnhardt finds himself at the pearly gates. The Lord welcomes him to heaven and shows him to his dwelling place. It's a small home, nicely landscaped, with a couple faded GM Goodwrench flags mounted beside the front door.

"We looked around and were lucky to find those still," said the Lord.

Earnhardt gave an appreciative grin back. As he continued to look around, his gaze followed up a hill to the beautiful mansion at the top. Around the ornate edifice was a circle of bright blue and orange STP flags.

"Lord, I don't want to sound unappreciative, but I'd like to know; Why does Richard Petty get such a big place? I know he beat me back in the old days, but I thought you guys didn't work that way up here."

The Lord turns to look in the direction of Dale's gaze. "Oh, that's not The King's place. That's mine."

 

What do you call 10,000 Restrictor plates at the bottom of the ocean?

A Good Start.

 

Why does Montoya never hit the wall?

The wall aint got no numbers on it.

 

Did you hear that Jeff Gordon is getting a new crew chief from China?  

His name is Win-Won Soon.

 

A man walks into a bar with his dog. A NASCAR race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Gordon is doing. The bartender says "Gordon is in 25th". The dog jumps up, and runs around

the barstool 25 times. Several laps later, the bartender says "Gordon is up to 10th". The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says "Gordon is up to 3rd",

after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times The bartender says "WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if  Gordon wins?"

    "I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him a year and a half!"

 

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around REDNECKS

 

Rusty Wallace

What does WALLACE stand for?

We All Look Like Assholes Chasing Everyone.

 

Why aren't there no blacks in NASCAR?

Because they can't drive a mile without being pulled over.

 

Why aren't there no women in NASCAR?

Do you really want a woman, checking out her make-up, in the mirror, while driving over 200 miles per hour?

 

Why did NASCAR outlaw the Polish victory lap....

Because it was interfering with Bill Elliott's finishing of the race!

Jeff Gordon and Bill Elliott are sitting in the Nascar main office waiting room watching the 6 o'clock news. Bill bets Jeff Gordon $500 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 60 story building, will jump. "I'll take that bet," Jeff replied.

A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Bill, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the rainbow warrior and tells him that he does not need to pay the $500.

"No, a bet's a bet," Jeff replies, "I owe you 500 dollars."

Bill, feeling even more guilty, replies "No, you don't understand, I saw the 5:30 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."

"That's okay," the WonderBoy replies, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

"Where does the term NASCAR come from??"

"National Association of Stock Car Racing???"

"Wrong!!"

"What do you mean, 'Wrong'?"

"Well, there was this Good Ole Boy walking down the road and he sees his buddy standing in front of a new Chevy. He looks at him, and he says, "Ya know, that there is a real 'Nas Car'!!!" (Nice Car)

Did you hear that Jeff Gordon is getting a new crew chief from

China?   His name is Win-Won Soon.

One day, a Nascar fan was walking along the beach and came across an odd looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's a catch," the Genie continued. "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every Gordon fan in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for." "Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!" POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every Gordon Fan in the world has been given TWO Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million dollars..." replied the man, and POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every Gordon Fan in the world is TWO million dollars richer," the Genie reminded the man. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man. "And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney...."

What is the difference between Jeff Gordons car and a porcupine?

On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!

What do you call 42 hillbillies chasing a queer?

NASCAR

N eurotic

A utomotive

S port for

C razy

A ss

R ednecks

Why aren't there no blacks in NASCAR?

Because they can't drive a mile without being pulled over.

What does NASCAR and politics have in common?

You turn to the left, you're running in circles; you turn to the right, you get stonewalled; either way your life is still in the pits!

Why are there so many liquor and beer sponsors in NASCAR?

Redneck heritage- Drinking until you're drunk, jumping into a car and driving around in circles before you wreck! From there, you get out of the car and start a fight!

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