London jokes

London jokes

Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington

When I was in London a few months ago, I was approached by a prostitute as I left a club on one of the back streets of Soho. Mainly interested in checking the rate of exchange I assure you, I asked: "How much?"


"It'll cost ya twenty quid" replied the tart.


"American Express?" I inquired.


She gave me an appraising look and said: "You can go as fast as you like" .

Beggars In London

Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

In a nearly empty London bar on a filthy winter's day, there were

several patrons quietly drinking when in comes your stereotypical

American visitor, obviously unimpressed by the country, its

weather and everything else about it.

He says loudly:

"What a lousy country. The bars are shut half the time, it's cold,

wet and windy, the beer tastes like piss and is served at the same

temperature, the streets are packed and you can't even get a cab."

Several people quietly leave.

He looks at a gentleman quietly sipping a pink gin and says:

"Hey, limey: how can you bear to live in such a miserable place?"

He is ignored, more people leave. After much more of this only

the gentleman with the pink gin, the barman and the American are


He says:

"Hey, limey: I'm talking to you. I've been to damn near every

country in the world and this is the lousiest. I dunno how

you can bear to live here. This country is just the arsehole

of the world."

The gentleman with the pink gin pauses, takes another sip and,

turning, delicately enquires of the American:

"Oh, yes. Just passing through, are you?"


A South African, an Aussie and a Londoner...

A South African, an Aussie and a Londoner were sitting in a pub having a pint of beer.

The South African grabs his beer downs it, tosses his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid-air. He grins to the other two, puts the gun down on the bar and says

"In Souff Efrika we haf so many glasses we never drink out of the same glass twice".

The Aussie then downs his beer throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar and proclaims;

"Ay mate, in Oz we have so much sand which makes glass really cheap so we too never drink out of the same glass twice".

The Londoner looks at the two of them, finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Aussie and the South African and says;

"In London we have so many South Africans and Aussies that we never have to drink with the same one twice.

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