Jamaican jokes

Q: What do you call a gay Jamaican guy?

A: Pokemon.

 

Q. Why are Jamaican rock stars so cool?

A. Because they have so many fans!

 

A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of juice and a bag of sugar and only paid for the juice and walked out.

He got arrested for stealing the sugar and when he went to court the judge asked him why he stole the sugar?

He replied: "Yuh Honor ... Mi nah tief no sugar ......mi look pon de back ah di juice and... it said sugar FREE"

 

A Jamaican woman@ the embassy filling out her visa application form under OCCUPATION she puts "Prostitute" a man prips it and sed "no yuh mad?

Yuh wuda neva get di visa!" she changes it to "Lady of the night" the man sed "Dat cyan work edah! In case u neva know ah di same ting" so she gets another form and this time she puts "Chicken Farmer" the man asked "Suh how yuh jump from prostitute to chicken farmer Miss?" she replied: Yuh caan stay deh, yuh know how much cock mi raise!!!"

 

Three prisoners are waiting to be executed and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The Trini responds, "A chicken Roti." The warden serves him his Roti, and then escorts him to his execution.

The Jamaican requests Jerk Pork. The warden serves him his Jerk Pork, and then escorts him to his execution.

The Bajan requests a bag of plums. The warden asks: "plums???"

"Yes,plums" says the Bajan.

The warden replies, "but them outa season!"

"So?" replies the Bajan. "I gine wait..."

 

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that

there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do

they do here?” He is told “First they put you in an

electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a

bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil

comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he

moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the

Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they

are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Jamaican hell and finds that

there is a very long line of people waiting to get

in. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?” He is told

“First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the Jamaican devil comes in and whips you for

the rest of the day.”

“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells

- why are there so many people waiting to get in?” he

asked. “Because there is never any electricity

therefore the electric chair does not work, someone

tief all the nails so there’s none to lay you on, and

the devil used to work for government so he comes in,

signs the attendance register and then goes back

home..

 

 

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