Disney jokes

disney jokes

Disney jokes

Why doesn't Cinderella get picked for playing sports? - Because she has a reputation for running from the ball.

Follow up: But you can't blame her because her coach was a pumpkin!

 

Why does tigger bounce on his tail? - So he doesn't step on Pooh.

 

Where does Captain Hook go to buy a new hook? - At the second hand store

 

Where does eeyore (spell??) go to buy a new tail? - At a retail store

 

Another that he said that isn't disney related:

 

What did one strawberry say to the other? - If you weren't so SWEET we wouldn't be in this JAM!

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!

 

 

 

Message for your answering machine (using your best Rod Serling imitation) : You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a sign post up ahead-- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached 'The Twilight Phone'.

 

 

 

Disney World: a people trap operated by a mouse

 

 

 

Let's take a trip to Disney

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World left". After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

 

 

 

Disney cruise delays

 

The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line

 

1. The 101 Dalmation's "accidents" on Deck 3

 

2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

 

3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.

 

4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

 

5. Charo kept showing up.

 

6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.

 

7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.

 

8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

 

9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

 

10. New hires Doc, Isaac, and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one.

 

 

 

And the top reason the Disney Cruise was delayed: The crewmen confused Snow White with white snow -- Mike Corbo

 

 

 

After exhaustive research I have uncovered the original and true meaning of IMHO. It has taken a lot of work searching through dusty archives, trying to read the chicken scratches of 13th century monks but the List needed to know.

 

IMHO really stands for "I must have oatmeal". It was written on the cell wall of Michael of Langley. He was arrested, tried and convicted for having no hair ( a condition I am rapidly becoming familiar with).

 

Thanks and I hope you have enjoyed this HSM (Historical Special Moment) -- John J. Buxbaum

 

 

 

THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY DISNEY OBSESSION

 

10. You know how many hairs are on the leg of the drunken pirate sitting on the bridge.

 

9. You have more Disney movies than Blockbuster.

 

8. Your favorite song is "Zippity-Doo-Dah".

 

7. When you hear people talking about "the underprivileged", you assume they are referring to those who have to stay off-site.

 

6. You refer to Wal-Mart and McDonald's employees as "cast members".

 

5. You've added spires and turrets to the roof of your house.

 

4. You tried to pay your electric bill with Disney Dollars.

 

3. Your children's names are Ariel and Alladin.

 

2. You pray that nobody will ever discover your dirty little secret: That you sneak out of bed in the middle of the night, logon to the internet, and drool over online pictures of WDW.

 

1. You're reading this.

 

 

 

My kids love the internet, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

 

I noticed their Disney site password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and so I asked why it was so long.

 

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

 

 

 

Guy explains to his doctor, "Doc, when I got up this morning, I put on a pair of white gloves and started calling my wife Minnie.  Then on the way to work I couldn't help singing, 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go,' and when I got there I started calling everyone Happy, Grumpy, Dopey and so on.  What's the matter with me?"

 

"That's easy," replies the doctor. "You're having Disney spells."

 

 

 

A TheMouseForLess list member wanted to know how to clear her cache. Mike Corbo had this reply:

 

Open your wallet, remove all those nasty little green things and mail them to me.

 

Voila! Your cache has now been cleared.

 

Of course, Mike did give her the correct instructions for clearing the cache on her computer.

What does Winnie-the-Pooh and Bozo the Clown have in common

The same middle name.

What do Winnie-the-Pooh and his pots have in common?

Both have hunny in them.

What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?

Hunny!

How many bears does it take to empty a honey pot?

Only one if it's a Pooh Bear!

What do you get when you cross Pooh and a skunk?

Winnie the P.U.

Why was Tigger in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

When does Mickey put up his new calendar?

On new ears eve.

How did Mickey feel when he first saw Minnie?

It was glove at first sight.

What is Mickey’s favorite treat?

Mice cream

What do you get if you cross Donald with a whale?

Moby Duck

What do you get when you cross Huey, Dewey & Louie with a cow?

Quackers and Milk

Why did Goofy stare at the label on the orange juice all day?

Because the carton said concentrate.

Why did Goofy wear two pairs of pants when he played golf?

He thought he might get a hole in one.

How does Crush get to the 2nd level of a building?

He takes the SHELL-evator!

What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas Carol?

Jungle Bells!

What is Clarabelle's favorite party game?

Moo-sical chairs

How does Clarabelle Cow feel when she's sad?

Moo-dy

What insect was the king of the wild frontier?

Davey Cricket.

What Disney character likes to fix things?

 Tinkerbell!

What do you call a fairy who doesn't bathe for a year?

Stinker Bell

Why are there no planes where peter pan lives?

They can "Never land"

What is Grumpy's favorite fruit?

Sour Grapes.

Why did Sleepy take firewood to bed with him?

He wanted to sleep like a log.

Why does Snow White always treat each of the Seven Dwarfs equally?

Because she's the fairest of them all.

What does Baloo need to live?

The Bear Necessities.

Why did Woody give Bullseye some cough syrup?

Because he was horse.

Why did the pirate take his mother to the movie theater with him?

Because the movie was rated  “arrrrrrrgh”

What is a pirates’ favorite restaurant?

Arrrgh-by’s

Why did Jasmine go to the fruit stand in the Marketplace?

She was looking for a date.

What kind of vegetable do you get when Dumbo walks through your garden?

Squash


 

What Disney character likes to fix things?

 

 Tinkerbell!

 

 

 

Knock-knock

 

Who's there?

 

Disney

 

Disney who?

 

'Dis" Knee is killing me

 

 

 

I have a dirty Disney joke I can tell.....

 

The three little pigs played in the mud.

 

 

 

 


 

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