Desert jokes

Desert jokes

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael. They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate of a mosque in the middle.

David said to Michael : "Look, let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself Mohammed."

Michael refused to change his name, he said : "My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am...Michael."

The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names.

David said : "My name is Mohammed."

Michael said : "My name is Michael."

The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said : "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."

Then he turned to the other and said: "Well Mohammed, Ramzan Mubarak!"

 

Two Mexicans are stranded in the desert, on their last leg, about to die of thirst. They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.

 

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with strip after strip of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

 

"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

 

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

 

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

 

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

 

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree"...

 

"ees... a.... Hambush"

A skinny lumberjack shows up at a lumber camp looking for work.

 

He is told, “You don’t have what it takes. We’re looking for someone big and strong.”

 

The skinny lumberjack replies, “Give me a chance to show you what I can do.”

 

The boss replies, “Ok, see that giant tree over there, go cut it down.”

 

The skinny lumberjack cuts it down without breaking a sweat.

 

“Wow!” says the boss, “Where did you learn how to cut trees like that?”

 

“In the Sahara Forest.” the lumberjack replies.

 

“You mean the Sahara Desert?” says the boss.

 

“Well sure, that’s what they call it now!” laughs the lumberjack.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls.

 

They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that its not going to start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water and the redhead takes a bag of food. The blonde gets some tools from the trunk, removes a door from the car and takes the door with her.

 

They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry Ill have something to eat." They all think this is pretty reasonable.

 

Then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty Ill have something to drink." They all decide thats a good idea, too.

 

Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Simple...there was a piece of paper in his hand that said - put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

Crossing the Sahara Desert

There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!" Later on an hour passes. The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a cardoor so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"


Survival In The Desert

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"

"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."

"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"


The Desert Guide

We hired a tour guide to give us a tour of the deserts in Arizona. After we stopped for dinner, we realized we were really lost. “I thought you said you know Arizona deserts in your sleep!” we yelled at the guide. “I do!” he replied. “But I think we are in Mexico now!!!”


Ties In The Desert

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching
for some sign of life. His supplies were running low when his camel died.

Now on foot, he desperately sought refuge from the heat, and, most importantly,
a source for water.

Suddenly, he came across a vendor in the middle of the desert.

"Thank God I found you!" the man cried. "Please help me. I'm in dire need of some
water."

"Well," said the vendor, "I don't have any water. But would you like to buy one of
these fine ties."

"What am I going to do with a tie?" the man asked.

"That's what I'm selling sir. If you don't like it, I can't help you."

The man left the vendor and walked on for many more miles, praying each minute that
he would find refuge from the scorching sun.

His eyes squinted a bunch of times when he came across a restaurant in the distance.
Unable to comprehend a restaurant located in the middle of the desert, he assumed the
place was a mirage, but decided to check it out anyway.

As he approached the door, his mouth opened in amazement, seeing that the place actually
existed.

The doorman stopped him before he entered.

"Excuse me sir," the doorman said, "But you can't come in here without a tie!"

 

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