Cowboy jokes

funny cowboy

Cowboy jokes

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar and with a quick move of his hands, he flipped his guns into the air, caught them above his head without even looking and fired at the ceiling. Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled. No one answered.

 

"Alright, I'm gonna have anotha beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finnish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!

 

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! As he swung up into the saddle and started to ride out of town, the bartender ran out of the saloon and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."

 

Three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go. The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go. The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

Why do cowgirls walk bow-legged?

Because Cowboys eat with their hats on

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton came on the TV. After a few sips he looked up at the screen and mumbled, "Now there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
Immediately, a customer at the end of the bar got up, walked over, decked him, and left.
A few minutes later, the man was finishing his beer when Hillary Clinton appeared on the TV. "She's a horse's ass too," he said.
A customer from the other end of the bar got up, walked over, and knocked him off his stool.
"Damnit!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Old Friend sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Old Friend: "Dog no talk." 

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Old Friend: extreme look of shock 

Cowboy: " Is this man your owner?" pointing at Old Friend. Dog: "Yep" 

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Old Friend: look of disbelief. 

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Old Friend: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Old Friend: extreme look of shock 

Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Old Friend. Horse: "Yep" 

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." 

Old Friend: total look of amazement 

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" 

Old Friend: "Sheep Lie."

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, pardner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?" asked the other cowboy.

"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!" replied the first cowboy. 

"So, how'd you get away?" asked the other cowboy. 

"The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over," replied the first cowboy. 

"Man, that's scary! If it'd been me, I would probably have crapped all over the place," remarked the second cowboy. 

The first cowboy replied, "I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?"

Why is it that you can't get through an episode of COPS without seeing a drunk unshaven guy in a dirty Cowboys t-shirt getting arrested?

 

 

Q: Why was Barry Switzer carrying a gun?

 

A: He was practicing the Run and Shoot.

 

 

A news reporter was sitting in Central Park on his lunch break. There were two teenage boys throwing the football around. A huge Rotweiler gets loose from it's owner and pounces on one of the boys. The other one, in a fit of panic, picks up the biggest stick he could find and smashes it aginst the dog's head, killing it. The reporter runs over to the boys. "Wow! That was great! I can see the headline now: Giants Fan Saves Life of Best Friend!" "I am not a Giants fan", the boy replied. "Well, who are you a fan of, then?" asked the reporter. "I am a fan of America's Team, the Dallas Cowboys!". The next day, the headline read "Redneck Punk Brutally Slays Beloved Family Pet".

 

 

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a T.V. watching the Super Bowl?

 

A.The Dallas Cowboys

 

 

Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern

 

A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?

 

 

Q: Did you hear, the Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System";

 

A: Yes your Honor, No your Honor.

 

 

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?

 

A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

 

 

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?

 

A: The huddle.

 

 

Q: Did you know the Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year.

 

A: 12 arrests, 5 convictions.

 

 

Q: How do you get a Cowboy to stand up?

 

A: Say "Will the defendant please rise."

 

 

Q: What do you say to a Cowboy in a suit?

 

A: Will the defendant please rise.

 

 

Q: Hey, did you hear who the Cowboys hired as their new defensive coordinator?

 

A: Johnny Cochran.

 

 

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?

 

A: The police.

 

 

Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at training camp?

 

A: Studying the Miranda Rights.

 

 

Q: Did you hear about the fire at the Cowboys' library facilities?

 

A: Both books were burned, and one of them had not even been colored in yet.

 

 

Q: How many people does it take to beat the Cowboys?

 

A: Only 1 - Barry Switzer

 

 

Q: Why can't Micheal Irvin get into a huddle on the football field?

 

A: It's a parole violation to associate with known felons.

 

 

Q: What do you call it, when a Dallas Cowboy goes on vacation?

 

A: Time off for good behavior.

 

 

Q: Why does Texas Stadium have Astroturf?

 

A: To keep the fans from grazing during games.

 

 

Q: How do you make Deion Sanders slower than a snail?

 

A: Call a pass route through a metal detector and wait for him to remove him jewelry.

 

 

Jerry Jones was really upset with Irvin for the hotel room incident. After all, Irvin did get caught with coke instead of Pepsi.

 

 

Q: Why is Troy Aikman unable to answer a telephone?

 

A: He can't find the receiver.

 

 

None of the Cowboys have been able to go home. The last time they were out of town, someone painted goal lines across their driveways and they can't make it over them.

 

 

I heard a rumor that the Texas Department of Corrections plans to build a new prison in Irving, Texas in order to allow "Jerry's Kids" to walk to work.

 

 

John Madden was in Dallas covering a football game one Sunday. He was walking along the Cowboys' sideline when he noticed Barry Switzer standing next to an unusual phone. Madden asked Switzer about the phone, to which Switzer replied, "That's a hotline to God, and for $50 you can use it." Madden dug out $50 from his pocket and used the phone. The following week Madden was covering a game in Philadelphia. As he walked along the Eagles' sideline, he saw a similar phone next to Ray Rhodes. Madden asked if the phone was a hotline to God, and Rhodes replied, "Yes, and a call will cost you 50 cents." Madden then asked Rhodes why this phone cost so much less than the phone in Dallas. Rhodes replied, "It's a local call."

 

 

A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching an Eagles-Cowboys game. Whenever the Eagles scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Eagles scored again and again. At the end of the game, the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar. The man thought this was pretty unusual and said to the bartender, "Gee, that's amazing. What happens when the Cowboys win?" The bartender replied, "I don't know- the dog's only four years old."

 

 

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in Dallas?

 

A: A tourist.

 

 

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Dallas?

 

A: Because God couldn't find three wise men.

 

 

Q: What do you call a Cowboys fan with half a brain?

 

A: Gifted.

 

 

Q: How can you tell if a Cowboys fan has been using the computer?

 

A: There's white-out on the screen.

 

 

Q: Why did Michael Irvin get so excited when he finished his jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.

 

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

 

 

Q: If you see a Cowboys fan on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

 

A: It might be your bicycle.

 

 

Q: Why did the Cowboys fan climb the chain link fence?

 

A: To see what was on the other side.

 

 

Q: How do you do the Dallas Cowboys' version of the Macarena?

 

A: Stand a foot away from the wall

 

Place one hand on the wall, and then the other.

 

Spread one leg, then the other.

 

Place one hand behind your head, and then the other.

 

Place one hand behind your back, and then the other.

 

Have the policeman handcuff one hand, then the other.

 

 

The Cowboys employ scouts. But to look out for cops, not to watch other teams.

 

 

The big joke in Dallas is that the Cowboys go out on the town wearing three championship rings and a home-confinement bracelet.

This cowboy walks into the saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and the cowboy downs it in one gulp. Immediately he rushes back out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

 

He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and once again the cowboy downs it in one gulp then rushes out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.

 

He goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. By this time there are a number of other patrons looking at him with a fair bit of interest. The bartender decides he'd better ask what's going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.

 

"So, Cowboy, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the bum?"

 

The Cowboy (in his best drawl) replies "Chapped lips."

 

The bartender says with some surprise "Oh, does that cure them?"

 

The cowboy says "Nope, but it sure stops me lickin' 'em".

 

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It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

 

"Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

 

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a body like Arnold Schwarzenagger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this horse I'm, riding."

 

The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes."

 

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenagger's.

 

Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "My God, I forgot I was riding the Mare!".

 

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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

 

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

 

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?" he yelled forcefully.

 

No one answered.

 

"All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

 

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

 

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?"

 

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

 

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A Texan was having a drink at a bar with an old friend when he noticed a attractive and chesty young lady seated at the bar eating a hamburger.

 

As he held eye contact with her, she swallowed a bite and it must have gone down the wrong pipe for she began choking.

 

She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory distress.

 

The Texan said to his friend, 'That there gal is having a bad time!'

 

The other agreed and said, 'Think we should go help?'

 

'You bet,' and with that he ran over and said, 'Can you breathe????' She shook her head no. He said, 'Can you speak??' She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt.

 

So shocked was the young woman that she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.

 

Smiling to his friend, the Texan said, 'Funny how that Hind Lick maneuver always works'

 

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Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting.

 

After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you. Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?"

 

Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you shoot?"

 

Marvin looked around the room and said, "See that piano player over there?" He drew his pistol and fired, shooting the cufflink off the piano player's shirt. Billy said, "Not bad. Can you shoot with your left hand? A gunfighter's got to be able to shoot with both hands."

 

Marvin drew his other pistol and fired, shooting off the piano player's other cufflink. Billy said, "That's mighty fine shooting. I just have one piece of advice for you."

 

Marvin was bubbling with excitement, "What is it? What else should I do?" Billy spoke slowly, "Well, go back into the kitchen there and get a big tub of lard. Take both of your pistols and rub them around in the lard, get them good and slick." Marvin was puzzled. He asked, "Why is that important? What good will rubbing my pistols in lard do?"

 

Billy replied, "It won't help your shooting at all, but when Wyatt Earp finishes playing the piano over there he's going to shove both of your pistols up your ass."

 

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Three cowboys were on their way home after herding a group of cattle to a ranch. On the way, they came across a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence. one man said, "Man, I'm gonna get some of this."

 

He began to screw the sheep. He asked if another man wanted to get some, and one of them said yes and he started screwing it.

 

After he got done, he asked the last man if he wanted some. the man said sure and stuck his head in the fence.

 

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Two cowboys are riding along a trail in the mountains when they suddenly hear tom toms beating very close to them. 'Oh! That doesn't sound good,' one says to the other. As soon as the words were spoken, an Indian jumps out from behind a tree and said, 'Yeah, our regular drummer is out sick.'

 

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'Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life'

by Texas Bix Bender

 

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Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

 

There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

 

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

 

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

 

Never ask a man the size of his spread.

 

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

 

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

 

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

 

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

 

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

 

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

 

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

 

Always drink upstream from the herd.

 

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

 

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

 

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

 

The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.

 

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

 

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

 

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

 

A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.

 

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

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A cowboy in Texas got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.

 

The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

 

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

 

The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, are ya?"

 

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies."

 

So the cowboy says, "Well, Circle flies are common on ranches. See, they're called Circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

 

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"

 

The cowboy says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

 

The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

 

After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."

 

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A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley

 

 

On the western ranch lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together .

 

 

One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

 

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the ranch, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor.

 

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

 

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

 

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

 

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

 

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the rancher was none the wiser when he returned.

 

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

 

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

 

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

 

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

 

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

 

The moral of the story?

yep, you betcha, there is a moral

 

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

 

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A COLLEGE GIRL IS GOING TO GALVESTON, TEXAS FOR SPRING BREAK. SHE TOLD HER GIRLFRIENDS THAT WHILE SHE WAS THERE SHE WANTED TO EAT REAL BAR-B-QUE, SEE A REAL RODEO, AND SLEEP WITH A REAL COWBOY. SO SHE GOES THERE AND RETURNS IN A WEEK. HER GIRLFRIENDS IMMEDIATELY ASK HER SO DID YOU EAT REAL BAR-B-QUE? YA IT WAS GREAT BEST FOOD EVER! THE GIRLFRIENDS THEN ASKED DID YOU GO TO A REAL RODEO? OH MY SHE REPLIED THOSE GUYS ARE REAL ATHLETES! SO DID YOU?ASKED THE GIRLFRIENDS. DID I WHAT? SHE SAID. YOU KNOW SLEEP WITH A REAL COWBOY? O HECK NO. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF THEIR CONDOM RING IN THEIR BACK POCKET!!

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An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

 

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

 

The two sat sipping in silence.

 

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

 

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

 

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World's Toughest Cowboy

 

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

 

A night of tall tales commences.

 

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

 

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

 

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

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A Texas cowboy walks into the dentist's office and after

an examination the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going

to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The cowboy grabs the doc's arm and says, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "Okay, we'll have to go with gas."

The cowboy replies, "Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a

couple of days.  I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "Here,"

he says, "Take this pill." The cowboy asks, "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."  The cowboy looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?"

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull the tooth."

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For as long as any one could remember this old Indian named all the children in the villiage. So one day this young brave walks up to the old man and ask him, old man how do you name these child, how do you come up with the names for these child. and the old man replys, young brave I name these children as the great spirt shows me, If I see snow gently falling I say to that child you shall be called snow gently falling, and if I see a Hawk that flys above I say to that young one you shall be called Hawk that sores above and the old man looks at the young brave and says, and you two dogs fucking why do you ask?

 

A ladies car broke down in the dessert, to her relief an Indian rode past and ask if she'd like a ride to town. He helped her up on the horse, said hold on. She put her arms around his waist and off they went. Frequently, on the way, the Indian let out a loud YeeeHaaaa.

When they got to town he dropped her off at the garage, as he rode away he let out another YeeeHaaaa. The lady asked the mechanic what's with the Indian and YeeeHaaaa? Mechanic said, dunno, what'd you do? Nothing, she said, just put my arms around him and held on to the saddle horn. Lady, said the mechanic, Indians don't use saddles.

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Why do CowGirls Walk Bow Legged?

 

Because CowBoys like to eat with their hats on.

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The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the

saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine.

He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there,

Mister..."

"Sheriff?"

"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em. "

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Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

 

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Indian: Look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Dog: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: Extreme look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?� pointing at the Indian.

Horse: "Yes sir"

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep liar."

 

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A cowboy is riding across the plains of the old west, when he is captured by Indians. The tribe puts him on trial for crimes against the Indian Nation, and he is found guilty.

 

"You have been sentenced to death," said the Chief, "but, as is our custom, you have three wishes to make as your last requests."

 

The cowboy thought for a minute and said, "Well, for my first wish, I'll need my horse."

 

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

 

The cowboy whispered something into the horse's ear, and the horse took off like a shot across the prairie. Twenty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful blonde woman on its back. The cowboy looked at this, shrugged his shoulders, and helped the young lady off the horse. He then took her into the woods and had his way with her.

 

"Second wish," said the Chief.

 

"I'll need my horse again," said the cowboy.

 

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

 

Once again, the cowboy whispered into the horse's ear, and once again the horse rode off over the prairie. Thirty minutes later, the horse returned with a beautiful brunette on its back.

 

The cowboy looked up and shrugged, helped the young lady off the horse, and went into the woods, same reason as before.

 

"This is your last wish," said the Chief, "make it a good one."

 

"I'll need my horse again."

 

"Give him his horse," said the Chief.

 

The cowboy grabbed each side of the horse's head, and put his face right up to the horse's.

 

"I said POSSE!"

 

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